Each pregnancy was hard in its own way. Each birth was unique to the child it bore. Each baby carried his or her own struggles, triumphs, tears, and joys. Each time my motherhood was strengthened, renewed, and refocused. And with each more sacrifices were made as I learned the cost of love.
Looking at each baby for the very first time, exhausted, worn out and not feeling the best, I saw love looking back at me. Love, in a small bundle I could hold and who smelled like Heaven. Looking down I knew that I loved this one.
That love grows. It grows in fire and trials; it grows in snuggles and smiles.
At 3 am feeding in the dark with spit up on my shoulder and a faint smell of poop…I love this one.
On a cold winter day with hot cocoa in a mug and a snuggly baby in my lap…I love this one.
Asleep in my bed with an elbow in my back and a foot in my face…I love this one.
When dishes are piled, clothes are dirty, and little voices ask to play pretend…I love this one.
At the appointment when you get hard news…I love this one.
In the midst of a teachable moment when no-one is listening…I love this one.
When excitement bubbles up over the new thing they mastered…I love this one.
When sin is staring back at me and my frustration overflows…I love this one.
In the midst of hugs and snuggles and giggles that last forever…I love this one.
Then I look in the mirror and I see that they are just like me and I hear His whisper in my heart…I love this one. And then it clicks. With each sacrifice of love I make to my children I’m not just learning what it means to be a mother. I’m also learning what it means to be His daughter. I love my children because God first loved me. I can make sacrifices for them because He sacrificed His Son for me. I have someone to run to when I succeed at being a mom, because He loves me. I have someone to run to when I fail at being a mom, because He loves me. And I know He will always be there to pick me up and encourage me, because I would do that for my own child, because I love this one.
God gave me 3 new lives to mold, shape, shepherd, and love. As I do and grow in that, He continues to mold, shape, and shepherd a new life in me all because of His unending love.