Life in our Shoes

Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

I often hate when people tell me that something was “meant to be”. It’s usually said as a way to make me feel better about something awful. Nobody is “meant to” experience something awful. This time, though, just this once, I am going to tell myself that something was “meant to be”. Let me rewind this back.

The Squatch and I had a conversation prompted by my parents putting their dog to sleep. We discussed never getting another dog once Misty passes. Especially never a puppy to tear things up and pee on the floor. We like to travel and it is hard to do with pets. That’s when the world laughed at me.

Not many days after our conversation, my Mom called. She works at a vet’s office and one of the women there runs a dog rescue. Do you see where this is going? She rescued a 10 year old American Eskimo, and since we have an 11 year old American Eskimo “don’t we want another one?”. Yes, yes we do.

As soon as we walked in to get our new dog, Polar, he looked up at us, walked over turned around and sat right on the floor in the midst of us. It was as if he was saying “this is my family now. I’m going with them”. He took to the kids right away, like a big gentle teddy bear. Misty and Polar became buddies immediately. It took a few days for him to adjust to the cats, (and he still likes to chase them on occasion), but he just meshed.

Four weeks after bringing him home (Christmas Eve), Misty started acting funny and she vomited. We thought it was something she ate and just kept an eye on her. We also had company that week and figured all the new smells and people she didn’t know were freaking her out. As soon as our company left, we took her to the vet for bloodwork. She was in kidney failure. We were hoping to maintain it with fluids and medication, but she didn’t seem to be getting any better. My mom decided to test her for Lyme Disease on the off chance she had it. Sadly, that test was positive. We added antibiotics to her daily regimen of medication and fluids, but she couldn’t keep them down. As she got sicker, her blood pressure spiked and she lost her vision. She was a fighter through all of it. She never even let us know she was a little sick until that night on Christmas Eve.

That was almost a month ago, and sadly, today, we made the decision to say goodbye to our Misty. She took a turn for the worse yesterday and we just didn’t feel her quality of life was worth living anymore. She couldn’t walk or even go outside. It was too much for her to even hold her head up for a drink.

It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But, I feel like a huge weight was lifted.

Now, I know why Polar is here. He needed to be here, so Misty could go. She has been our protector for 11 great years and she didn’t want to leave until she knew we were in good hands. Or paws as the case may be. Once she knew that, she allowed herself to succumb to her illness. I know it all may sound crazy, but I truly believe Polar was “meant to be” our dog. He came when we needed him most.

We’ll never forget you Misty.

It was a big week for Thing 1. We had her first real parent teacher conference this week. Her Kindergarten one didn’t count in my brain. The teacher saw me in the hall and said “We don’t really need a conference. She’s doing great. There’s your conference.” I’m glad she is out of that school.

I was met in the hall by Mr B. I had no idea who he was. Mrs. L (the teacher) informed me that he would like to “sit in on Thing 1′s conference”. My brain immediately went to the bad. I assumed it was the principal and he wanted to talk about her behavior, or her school bus probation, or something of the sort. I was zipped back to my school days and the whole “what did I do?” mentality. My fears were quickly dissolved when he introduced himself as the music teacher. He informed me he likes to sit in on conferences of the students that seem to really enjoy music and show a great potential for it. Whew. We talked about the guitar she is getting for Christmas, and that she will be starting School of Rock in January. He said if she learned a song, and wanted to, he would have the school hold a special assembly for her to play on stage. Wow! She would eat that up. Such a Diva.

Then we moved onto the educational stuff. Mrs L went on and on about how she talks about Thing 1 all the time. She told me she has a wonderful foundation for learning. She always knows every new book, new song, and new country they talk about. Before they even learn about it in class. This girl retains everything she ever hears. Even if she only hears it once. I know I had to be beaming with pride the whole time.

The class is split into five different reading levels. She is in the highest, with only two other kids. That’s a third grade level, folks. She is in first grade. The beginning of first grade! You have no idea how happy that makes me. Providing the kids with their own libraries (thank you Scholastic!) has certainly paid off. Her stories are incredible, full of detail, and always make sense. She is learning to expand on the sentences she writes, and I can already see a huge difference in the stories she wrote in the beginning of the year, as opposed to now.

Moving on from school stuff (even though there was a ton more said at the conference). We loaded the bikes up into the car and went to the park today. It was freezing but Thing 1 and Thing 2 needed to get out. Up until now, Thing 1 has been terrified of trying her bike on her own. Today, we got out there, and when I let go, instead of freaking out, she laughed. Hysterically laughed. As she zoomed around. And around. And around. Naturally, the laughter ended when she fell, but that led us into our next lesson of using the brakes. She picked that up and was skidding around in no time. The final lesson of the day was for her to launch herself instead of myself or The Squatch running with her and letting go. I thought that one would take more time, but boy was I wrong!

OK, so this post totally sounds like I am bragging about my daughter, but I’m really not. I’m just so stinkin’ proud! And maybe I’m bragging a wee bit. What can I say? She’s awesome!

Yesterday I received a hand delivered (by my husband) invitation to the most amazing date I have had in a very long time. You are probably expecting something ridiculously extravagant, but in reality it was far better. My presence was requested in our very own kitchen at 9:30 and I was to dress fancy.

Around 8:00, I started getting the kids into bed, while The Squatch busied himself in the kitchen. Once they were all tucked in, I stayed out of the way in the office. As it started to get closer to 9:30, I picked out a dress that I had never worn. It was one The Squatch picked out and bought for me last year.

He called me downstairs at 9:30. I was welcomed by the delicious smell of baked spaghetti, the sight of a candlelit kitchen, and the soft sound of music from a mix he made for me. Including our wedding song “The Luckiest”, by Ben Folds.

I sat down and noticed a paper at each of our seats. It was a menu of the night’s meal. Italian bread dipped in olive oil, Italian salad, baked spaghetti, hand dipped dark chocolate strawberries, and some x-rated to wash it all down. Every menu item came complete with a full description.

I never had baked spaghetti before, but I must say it was delicious! The strawberries were by far my favorite, but I ate entirely too many of them.

We finished eating and cleaning up, when The Squatch grabbed me and pulled me close to dance. It was the perfect ending to a perfect date.

Who says you need to leave the house to have an amazing night together?

In all of my 33 years of life, I have had every illness and disease known to man. Even a few that aren’t. Really. Google tells me so. Also, I have anxiety. The doctor told me that one. Google doctoring + anxiety = very bad news. Even worse when you are googling your kid’s symptoms. (PS- spellcheck keeps telling me googling isn’t a word. But, it is. I said so.)

There was this one time when Thing 2 was a teeny tiny baby that googling was beneficial. The doctor said he was fine. I said he had torticollis. Turns out I was right. He needed physical therapy and a corrective helmet to undo the damage done from tilting his head to one side all the time.

Right now, I hate google. With all of my being. Thing 2 has always had what the doctors called “prominent lymph nodes”. One on his neck and one behind his ear. You could see them if you really looked. In the past week (that I have noticed), you can now spot them, very clearly, from across a room. And there’s three of them.

He had an appointment tonight. I was hoping the doctor would say “it’s nothing, everything is fine”, even though I wouldn’t have settled for that answer. Because that answer isn’t an answer. That isn’t the answer I got anyhow. I believe the words the doctor used were “this is concerning”. If he was sick or had a cold, or a sore throat, or anything really, she wouldn’t be concerned. But, he doesn’t. Just really large lymph nodes. She gave me a prescription for bloodwork and said I “don’t need to rush out to get it done, or lose any sleep over it”. I told her I already did lose sleep and I will be there when they open the doors in the AM.

I hate this. I’m trying to hold it all together, especially because there are a ton of other things stressing me out right now as well. I don’t know that I am holding it together well, and I can feel my anxiety attacks coming back a little more each day.

Let me preface this complaint post by saying I know extra curricular activities cost money. Often a lot of money. Some more than others. Particularly dance lessons. I am, for the most part, OK with that.

Here’s the part I am not OK with. I am not OK with the owner of the dance studio making money off of something she shouldn’t be making money off of. Let me explain. The kids were scheduled to dance at Dutch Wonderland this past weekend. I thought it would be a great opportunity for Thing 1 to get up on a stage and perform in front of people, as she loves to do. And, hey, bonus family getaway weekend!

Papers were sent home stating that tickets were $36 a piece and $21 for dancers tickets. In my stupidity, I didn’t look it up online. I just assumed this information was correct. I paid the money and all but forgot about it. Then I spoke to one of the other parents. She informed me that her daughter wouldn’t be performing because she can get cheap Dutch Wonderland tickets through her work, but the owner “wouldn’t let her”. She said flat out, “if you don’t buy the tickets through me, I won’t let your daughter perform”. Go ahead, pick your jaw up off the floor…I’ll wait. I can not believe she had the audacity to say that.

Thing 1 is in two dance classes, Irish and Acro hip hop. Irish is her favorite. So, before we left, I made sure she had everything she could possibly need for both outfits. Since, ya know, I had to buy two outfits (then pay to have them altered to fit her…grrr). I promise this is important. You’ll see why.

As we were standing outside the gates forever, since we were told to be there promptly at 9:00 and the park doesn’t even open until 10:00, I couldn’t help but look at the admission prices sign. A regular ticket is…wait for it….$31.95. Where on Earth did she come up with $36. It gets better. I then had to check the group rates, since we had to “But your tickets early! Then we can get the group rate!” Those tickets? $24.95. Say what? And, AND, for every 10 tickets purchased, you get a free one. Oh, hell no. I was just ripped off ten ways to Sunday.

So, we were there, and there was really nothing I could do about it except enjoy the day my family. When it came time for the performance, the teacher came out of the dressing tent and said “Thing 1 is only going to perform Men In Black (that’s acro hip hop), because you won’t have time to change her between performances”. There was two entire songs between her two performances, and I have done it before at the charity show they did, so I told her I would be able to do it and Thing 1 would be performing. Simply put, I was told no. And I? Was pissed. Not only was I overcharged, but I lugged both these damn costumes out there. To top it off, Thing 1 was disappointed that she had to watch her friends perform the Irish dance without her.

I am so not OK with her pocketing that money. Not only were we overcharged for tickets, but Dutch Wonderland is close to a 2 hour drive from here. So we had to pay gas money. And since it is so far and we had to be there so early, we had to pay for a hotel, too.

Am I wrong about this? Should I mention something about the tickets being way overpriced. Or should I just chalk it up to my stupidity for not looking into it first?

As a parent that loves to read, I am constantly on the lookout for books that my kids will enjoy, and that they can relate to. Whether it be moving, losing a tooth, starting a new school. *insert any life event here*.

I have had fantastic luck finding things for Thing 2 through the Scholastic Book Club that his school offers. In fact, I challenge myself each month to spend less than $50 per order. That buys a lot of Scholastic books. There isn’t much for Thing 1 in them, simply because she is older and most of the books are beneath her level. I have scored a few, but not many. I really wish her teacher would get on the ball and offer Scholastic in her class. But, that might just be asking way too much. Add one more thing to her plate and she just may forget all the kids names. Heck, she already spells Thing 1 wrong.

OK, so I got off track. I’m good at that.

I would say “the other day as I was walking through Target”, but that would be a complete lie since it was more like the other month (I’m a slacker, so I’m just posting now). So, the other month when I was walking through Target, my eyes fell on the cover a book called “Amy Hodgepodge, All Mixed Up”. The little girl on the front had brown skin and curly hair, so I grabbed it to read the back. Turns out, Amy is part Japanese, part Korean, part African-American, and part Caucasian. This? Was something Thing 1 could totally relate to (minus the Japanese and Korean, of course). One of Amy’s friends is African American and Caucasian, and my memory is failing me right now as to what her other friends are. There was no way I couldn’t buy this book. And it’s part of a series of chapter books. I love series and Thing 1 is just getting into Chapter books. Perfect.

We finished the first book which tackled some hard issues, such as bullying, disappointing friends, and being made fun of for being different. Just the back cover alone sparked a huge discussion with Thing 1. As I had hoped, she loved the book, so we bought #2 in the series. It’s titled “Amy Hodgepodge, Happy Birthday to Me”. We are only three chapters in, but so far, it is just as good as the first one. Score!

It took me a while to come up with a good descriptor word for Thing 2. But, after much thought, I decided on impulsive. He rarely thinks before he acts. I don’t think he intentionally misbehaves, but it happens. More often than it should. Often to a point where I just have no idea what to do about it. I could really use some new strategies, because everything I have tried simply does not work.

The most recent example of his behavior was yesterday. We were about 3 minutes from walking out the door to karate. Thing 1 decided she was thirsty, so I told her to grab a juice box for the car. Thing 2 has to have everything she has, so he went to get one as well. She got there first, so he just launched out and bit her. BIT HER. He never bit before. Never. It was as if no thought was even involved. He just did it. She bruised instantly and had teeth marks. In all of his four years, he never bit. But, yesterday he did. I was floored. I sent him to his room immediately and went to karate without him. The Squatch stayed behind to talk to him about his behavior. He knew it was wrong. He knows biting hurts. If you ask him how he could have handled the situation better, he can tell you that. Which is why I am fairly certain he acts out of impulse.

Something as simple as dropping a fork on the floor at dinner can send him into complete hysterics. Rather than asking for a new fork, or getting down and picking it up, he will slam his fists down and scream. Then cry about it. Once I get him to calm down and think of what he should do instead, he will get down from the chair, put the fork in the sink and get a new one.

If Thing 1 happens to be in his way to see something (book, TV, etc) he will just hit her. Or throw something. He often can’t walk past a toy without kicking it over just because. I find myself asking multiple times a day “Why on Earth did you do that?” Though, I am always met with the same response. “I don’t know”

He has even gone as far as to hit me when I tell him it is time to go to bed, or clean, or some other thing he doesn’t want to do at that particular moment. Talking to him doesn’t work. Time outs don’t work. Taking things away doesn’t work. Rewarding good behavior doesn’t work.

I am at a complete and total loss as to what to do. Send Super Nanny my way please.

We have had a whirlwind of a week. Stress hit me like a ton of bricks. From fertility doctors to making offers on houses to karate tournaments. I’m sure the first two things will be worth the stress in the end, whenever that may come, but for now I *know* the stress of tournaments was worth it.

I took a chance and entered Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the Amerikick Internationals at the Convention Center. I knew it was huge for a first tournament, but they had missed the local ones and begged to do it. I was assured they would only compete against their belt level, and that everyone gets a medal no matter what.

Color me surprised when Thing 2 ( a white belt) competed against a yellow belt. Obviously, the yellow belt won, but since there was only two of them, he got second place. Second place winners take home a sweet trophy (pictured below). He did very well, considering this was his first time in front of an audience and he was up first. He started to cry in the beginning, but miracle of all miracles, he took a few deep breaths, pulled himself together, looked the judges right in the eyes and completed his kata.

Thing 1 was in the next age bracket, so (thankfully) they didn’t compete against each other. She also had to compete against a yellow belt and three orange belts. That was just not even fair. Of course their katas were more intricate, they have been doing karate much longer. But I digress. She did amazing anyhow. She won 4th place, which brought immediate tears to her eyes. We had a little talk about good sportsmanship and the fact that she had to compete against kids that were at a much higher level. In the end, she was proud that she beat one of the orange belts and earned herself a “trophy that can be worn like an accessory” aka-a medal.

Day two of the competition we had to be up at 6AM to make it there on time. Thing 1 instructed us to come in her room and wake her up by saying “Cock a Doodle Doo” We did. She’s like the puppetmaster. Knowing what to expect, I was slightly less stressed than the previous day. I’m sure I was more nervous than the kids were. Turns out it was much more organized than the previous day. White belts only competed against white belts. Well, except for the 4 year olds. Thing 2 competed against a white/yellow belt and a white/blue belt. He came in third and scored himself yet another trophy. But, Thing 1? She rocked it! She won first place. All the tears of the day before were long forgotten when they announced her name. And, the look in her eyes when she saw the size of her trophy? Priceless.

It’s that time of year again. Colds, coughs, runny noses, and tons of tissues. Both kids have been hit with it and it’s starting in on me.

I generally do everything I can to avoid giving medicine. Especially during the day. We fend off the evil coughs with warm tea and other such things. But, at night when the hacking keeps up the whole house, I’m all for medicine.

Unfortunately, Thing 1 is not a huge fan. She will take it, but not without a huge production. First and foremost, it MUST be bubble gum flavor. Anything else and she will gag to the point of nearly vomiting. So, we indulge in buying the bubble gum flavor. Easy enough, right? Not really. Read on.

In order for the medicine to even reach her lips, we need to count backwards from seven, then pour it in superduperquick. She then washes it down with milk and cracker, more specifically a saltine. That gets the flavor out of her mouth. But, wait…there’s more! She can still taste it on her lips. So, we need to wash her face and apply lip balm.

Why do I indulge in this? To save my sanity. Otherwise we get tons of tears and gagging. Mary Poppins knew what she was doing. The sugar sounds way easier.

So, what ridiculous rituals do you find yourself doing for the sake of your sanity?

I finally did it. I made the decision to change my last name to my new married name. Yeah, I’ve been married since September, but this is a decision I have been struggling with.

Under normal circumstances, changing my last name wouldn’t be a problem. But, throw kids into the mix and it became a real issue for me. I felt that I was abandoning them, in a way, if I took a new last name, thus giving me a different one than they have. I have never had a decision weigh so heavily on me. I know it seems silly, but to me it felt huge.

On one hand, I wanted to change my name to erase yet another connection to my ex. But, I am still connected. I always will be. We have kids together and that won’t change. On the other hand, what if The Squatch and I have kids, then that child would have a different last name as me anyhow. So, it was a no win situation as far as having my kids have my same last name. My solution was to hyphenate the names. But, darnit, that was such a process. It didn’t fit properly on forms that had little boxes, and besides, it was just a mouthful.

Another problem we ran into was people that only knew me, such as the senseis at karate and teachers, would refer to The Squatch as “Mr oldlastname”. That just didn’t fly.

So, yesterday, as we were filling out the paperwork to make an offer on a house (what?!?) I made the decision. I needed to know right then and there which last name I would want my house under. So, I made a new start a signed my new last name. My hand froze a couple times, since it doesn’t come naturally to write it, but by the end of the paperwork, I had signed it so many times that it felt right.

I need to get everything else changed now (passports, driver’s license, credit cards), but it feels good. Maybe I will even do it soon. Last time I got married, I didn’t change most of my stuff until I was almost divorced nine years later. Credit cards still had my maiden name, as did my social security card. Talk about procrastinating.

I’ve finally come to the realization that I will always be connected to the kids, no matter what my name is. And The Squatch is pretty happy about it, too.