Life in our Shoes

In all of my 33 years of life, I have had every illness and disease known to man. Even a few that aren’t. Really. Google tells me so. Also, I have anxiety. The doctor told me that one. Google doctoring + anxiety = very bad news. Even worse when you are googling your kid’s symptoms. (PS- spellcheck keeps telling me googling isn’t a word. But, it is. I said so.)

There was this one time when Thing 2 was a teeny tiny baby that googling was beneficial. The doctor said he was fine. I said he had torticollis. Turns out I was right. He needed physical therapy and a corrective helmet to undo the damage done from tilting his head to one side all the time.

Right now, I hate google. With all of my being. Thing 2 has always had what the doctors called “prominent lymph nodes”. One on his neck and one behind his ear. You could see them if you really looked. In the past week (that I have noticed), you can now spot them, very clearly, from across a room. And there’s three of them.

He had an appointment tonight. I was hoping the doctor would say “it’s nothing, everything is fine”, even though I wouldn’t have settled for that answer. Because that answer isn’t an answer. That isn’t the answer I got anyhow. I believe the words the doctor used were “this is concerning”. If he was sick or had a cold, or a sore throat, or anything really, she wouldn’t be concerned. But, he doesn’t. Just really large lymph nodes. She gave me a prescription for bloodwork and said I “don’t need to rush out to get it done, or lose any sleep over it”. I told her I already did lose sleep and I will be there when they open the doors in the AM.

I hate this. I’m trying to hold it all together, especially because there are a ton of other things stressing me out right now as well. I don’t know that I am holding it together well, and I can feel my anxiety attacks coming back a little more each day.

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