Life in our Shoes

I had originally planned on blogging about our journey through the ins and outs of infertility in our attempt to add to our family, but for some reason, I just never did. I think I need to, though. I’m hoping it will help me through the stress of being turned into a human pincushion. I remember last time I went through it, I turned to the internet to find other bloggers going through what I was. Reading those pulled me through when I often wanted to quit. So maybe, just maybe my blog will help someone else struggling with similar issues.

That said, this month was our second month “officially” trying with the help of an RE. His recommendation for our first cycle was a clomid cycle. I knew it wouldn’t work simply because of done many, many cycles of clomid in the past with no results. He wanted to “monitor” me while on it, just so he could see why it wasn’t working. Biggest. Waste. Of. Money. It didn’t work.

On to the second cycle. The doctor wanted us to do a clomid/injection cycle. He likes to be conservative. We opted for the straight injection cycle. It made more sense than trying the combined cycle, only to have it not work, then pay again to do the injection cycle.

So, I spent the past month going to the doctor every three days, then every two days, then every day for a week. I was poked and prodded a million different ways, several times a day. We had to buy so many different injections at $140 a pop that it made my head spin.

We eventually got to the point where my follicles were growing (and there was a ton of them). My estrogen was too high and I had too many follicles. So the new plan was to take me off the gonal-f to get my estrogen to taper off. The doctor also put me on hcg to push the bigger follicles to grow and the smaller ones to stop.

That first day I got my blood work back, my estrogen had dropped by a lot. My concern was, what if it drops too much? I was told “it’s possible”. They increased the hcg by another tiny bit, but still didn’t supplement the estrogen any. I could tell by looking at the screen during my u/s today that my follicles weren’t growing as much as they needed to be. So I wasn’t surprised when they called with my results to say my estrogen dropped too far and this cycle would be a bust. Call Monday for a new consult.

It didn’t take long for us to decide that we don’t want to go through this every month. All this trial and error to get the medicine dosages right, all that wasted money. The roller coaster of emotions, the injections of mass amounts of hormones. I can’t do it. So we are going to wait out the summer and and try IVF later in the year. Late fall or early winter.

I’m sad. I’m disappointed. It sucks. And it hurts. But we’ll get through it. I’ll get back on track with my weight loss to hopefully reach my goal before getting pregnant. We’ll enjoy our summer vacations. And we’ll start fresh in a few months.

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